Is the perspective of applying for jobs giving you cold sweats? Do you cringe every time some distant relative, for the sake of awkward small talk, asks you if you have a plan for next year at family gatherings? Have you managed to dodge every single call from your Dad who wants to give you advice to better your CV? And do you attend the lectures, career fairs and other types of seriously un-fun events organised by your university with the sole purpose of making you feel more confident about your future – and which somehow never fail to make you panic even more?
If you’ve answered yes to one of these questions, and if you just generally feel like what awaits after your final year is a dark abyss of unknown, then this could genuinely help you.Who said that you needed to go down the traditional path? Office work never sounded like it would suit you anyways. So take the time to consider radical career changes. Even if that means that you go on to become a professional fortune cookie writer after you’ve excelled in your chemistry exams.
1. Professional Mattress Jumper
Or in other words, making all your childhood dreams come true. Not only are you allowed to jump on your mattress, but you also get paid for it. Because mattress jumping is the last but crucial step in the process, or shall I say fine art, of high-end mattress making. Don’t get too excited too fast though: mattress jumpers don’t mattress jump randomly. They get a mattress jumping formation to make sure that the mattress gets adequately jumped on. But if you can deal with regulated jumping, go for it.
2. Professional Golf Ball Diver
Bet you didn’t see that one coming, but when you think of it, it makes so much sense. Think about it: without professional golf ball divers, golf course ponds would be tragically overflowing with golf balls. And given the price of these little round treasures, they are definitely worth retrieving. Your mission as a golf ball diver? Dive. Find. Recycle. Resell. It will be expected that you are certified for scuba diving, but apart from that, you’re pretty much good to go.
3. Professional Lego Builder
Another job that your seven-year-old self would die for. Harsh does not even start to describe how competitive the recruitment is, but if you make it, you will actually be creating Lego artwork in exchange for money. Life doesn’t get that much better.
4. Professional Queuer
Are you good at standing up? Then you’ve got all it takes to be a professional queuer. This job is nowhere near as fun as making a career out of Lego, I’ll give you that. But some people in this world are willing to pay you to stand in a line in their place, and you should be more than happy to take their money. As you probably expect, no experience or academic qualifications are required. Don’t forget to bring your Rubik’s cube though.
You are probably thinking that this sounds like the type of work that would require you to be working in your free time on your thesis for your PhD, but this is in fact quite an accessible job. Cruciverbalists are the people who design crossword puzzles. If words are your thing, you’re sorted, and if they’re not, you can always pick up random ones from a dictionary. Paid to play Scrabble. It could be worse.
6. Professional Dice Inspector
Dice inspectors are the terror of Los Angeles casinos and as such, they qualify as a relatively gangster job – as opposed to cruciverbalist – that could even be quite fun. They work for private companies or for state authorities and are responsible for making sure that dices are not rigged. In other words, they are totally undercover and no one really knows who they are, what they do and how they do it. All in all, if you’re mysterious and obscure, it’s the job for you.
7. Professional Sleeper
Are you good at sleeping? Do you like sleeping? Can you sleep under almost any conditions? Live the dream – pun intended – and become a professional sleeper! You will be working for science, so expect to be connected to machines etc, but you’ll get good money for it. You might even be responsible for scientific discoveries – and there’s nothing more rewarding than being responsible for scientific discoveries. Word.
And if you’re still struggling to find a job, you’ve always got the option of becoming a professional dog food taster – yes, it is a thing, I promise. But here at Unono, we want you to find a job that you could potentially mention about in front of your boyfriend/ girlfriend’s family. So why don’t you check out our latest job offers, such as Assistant Manager for WaynaBox?